I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
