who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
