brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
