So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
