I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
this is an emotional support booty call
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize