matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize