I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
