I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
