dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
