I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
