if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
