your parents love me but you hate me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize