Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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