she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize