All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're my little dorito
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
