11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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