And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
