just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
