I feel like I'm in dance class right now
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
