fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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