Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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