I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would ride that face into the sunset
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
