I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
