shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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