there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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