Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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