The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
