i jhust puked up my retainher.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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