yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
