My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
