best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
