What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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