He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
