but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
