Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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