We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize