I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
