i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
