I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
