Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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