My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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