12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
