you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
