So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
