Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
