I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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