sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
