New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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