What a fucking waste of an outfit
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
