i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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