I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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