Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
