I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
