ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
