just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
