mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
