Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
