U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
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