is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
