OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
