We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
