Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize