i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
