I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
