1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
