You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
