I am puke
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize