Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
