This is not my ceiling
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
