ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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