Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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