i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
