Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
