wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
