he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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