This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
