hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
