I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
