So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
