To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
