then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
