This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
