She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
