When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize