Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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