ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
