I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
