Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
