well you can't waste a boner
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
