My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
