I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
