It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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