I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
