Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
