Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
