I wish I could teleport
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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