i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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