When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
