i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
