We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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