If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
