Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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