I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
