Can Purell be used as lube?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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