i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
