Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
