i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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